Santa Claus Is Terminated By The DOE For Conduct Unbecoming A Teacher.

Santa Claus had landed a job as a teacher in Global Studies and Geography since he had first hand knowledge of the globe. Better yet, the school had to pay him only a salary of $45,530 dollars for all his knowledge of the world. He eventually received tenure and was on his way to a rewarding career as he not only gave children presents during Christmas but educate them about the world as a teacher.   However, storm clouds were brewing under the clueless Chancellor Dennis Walcott and his perverse definition of sexual misconduct. Santa was in real trouble as his affectionate and caring actions were considered "sexual in nature" by the Grand Inquisitor and his SCI investigators.  Their biased report, full of out of context statements, bogus accusations, and frivolous actions was enough to file 3020-a charges against Santa Claus who was eventually terminated. The trash media had a field day, the Post and Daily News, labeled poor Santa as "perv Claus".  What did Santa Claus actually do?  I'm glad you asked.  Here are the charges against Santa Claus.

• Calling school girls "hoes".
• Telling schoolchildren to sit on his lap.
• Asking the children if they were "naughty or nice"?
• Threatening them with a lump of coal in their stockings.
• Letting the students know that he will be breaking into their houses.

Santa Claus  was immediately removed from the classroom and sent to his local CFN "rubber room" where he languished for a month before he was summoned to a "probable cause" hearing where he was suspended without pay and health benefits.  Below is Santa Clause's 3020-a hearing at the point that Santa is cross examined by the DOE lawyer.

 The DOE lawyer asks Santa Claus why he kept telling the girls in the class that they are Hoes? Santa Claus responds by saying "I said Ho, Ho, Ho. Not that they are Hoes". The DOE lawyer states that Hoe and Ho are the same and the girls complained that they believed he was calling them Hoes.  The DOE lawyer asks Santa Claus why did he want to know what sexual deeds did the girls do?  Santa replied that he meant naughty as nice not sexual things. The DOE lawyer then brings up why did he threaten them with coal in their stockings if they didn't act nice? Santa Claus responds: "That is my way to encourage them to do the right things in life". The DOE lawyer states that sounds like you are scaring them. Santa Claus responds. "I was trying to get them to be good". The DOE lawyer then asked "haven't you asked the students to sit on your lap"? Santa Claus responds. "Yes".  Don't you think that is a sexual act?  Santa replied "no it is just a show of affection" The DOE lawyer asked Santa "didn't you tell the children that they will not get presents if they don't behave"?  Santa replied "yes". The DOE lawyer then asks didn't you tell the children that you will break into their house when they are sleeping? Santa Claus responds. "Yes, but only on Christmas Eve". So you admit to threatening them with breaking and entering into their homes? Santa Claus responds. "I guess so". Finally, is it true that you tried to bribe the children with presents if they sat on your lap?
Santa Claus responds. "I was not trying to bribe them". 

In his closing statement the DOE lawyer states the following. The DOE has proved his case that Santa Claus is guilty of the following offenses.

1. Sexual misconduct of a verbal nature in calling the girls Hoes.
2. Sexual misconduct of a physical nature by forcing the children to sit on his lap.
3. Corporal Punishment by threatening them with a lump of coal in their stockings,
4. Verbal Abuse by threatening them with no presents for being naughty.
5. Felony criminal charge of "breaking & entering" and "bribing" the children

The Arbitrator, under pressure from the DOE, found poor Santa guilty of all charges and terminated him 30 days after the closing statements.  Now poor Santa can never work for the DOE again.  Too bad he wasn't a DOE manager, he would have kept his job.