Have you wondered what would happen if Santa Claus was a teacher in today's DOE? Well it is quite obvious that poor old Santa Claus would never survive the classroom and the allegations that go with it.
Let's take a peek at Santa Claus during his 3020-a hearing.
The DOE lawyer asks Santa Claus why he kept telling the girls in the class that they are Hoe's? Santa Claus responds by saying "I said Ho, Ho, Ho. Not that they are Hoes". The DOE lawyer states that Hoe and Ho are the same and the girls complained that they believed he was calling them Hoes. The DOE lawyer then brings up why did he threaten them with coal in their stockings if they didn't act nice? Santa Claus responds: "That is my way to encourage them to do the right things in life". The DOE lawyer states that sounds like you are scaring them. Santa Claus responds. "I was trying to get them to be good". The DOE lawyer then ask haven't you asked the students to sit on your lap? Santa Claus responds. "Yes". The DOE lawyer then asks didn't you tell the children that you will break into their house when they are sleeping? Santa Claus responds. "Yes, but only on Christmas Eve". So you admit to threatening them with breaking and entering into their homes? Santa Claus responds. "I guess so". Finally, is it true that you tried to bribe the children with presents if they sat on your lap?
Santa Claus responds. "I was not trying to bribe them".
In his closing statement the DOE lawyer states the following. The DOE has proved his case that Santa Claus is guilty of the following offenses.
- Sexual misconduct of a verbal nature in calling the girls Hoes.
- Sexual misconduct of a physical nature by forcing the children to sit on his lap.
- Corporal Punishment by threatening them with a lump of coal in their stockings,
- Verbal Abuse by threatening them with no presents for being naughty.
- Felony criminal charge of "breaking & entering" and "bribing" the children.