Sunday, December 14, 2008
According To The DOE The Sports Mascots Would Be Subject To An SCI Investigaton & Termination Because They Hug People
I previously wrote a serious article on how Tweed's bizarre policy on hugs and drugs made little or no sense. However, I decided to write a tongue in cheek story about what would happen to the mascots if they were teachers in the NYC school system. In the perverted world of the DOE the sports mascots like the Phillie Fanatic and yes, even Mr. Met would be considered sex offenders since they love hugging people. Even Barney, the purple dinosaur would fall into the DOE's sex offender category. None of these mascots would ever survive in Tweed's teaching world as they would be removed from the classroom for improper physical contact under section A-420 of the Chancellor's regulations and subject to a SCI investigation. I can just imagine what it would be like for the Phillie Fanatic as he goes through his 3020-a hearing.
Phillie Fanatic's 3020-a hearing: Mr Fanatic, the DOE lawyer said, the SCI report found that you engaged in sexual misconduct and corporal punishment with numerous students and staff, you are even accused of improper actions by your administrators. The SCI report specifically states that you hug people is this correct. Mr. Fanatic: Yes, I do hug people, I do it for fun and entertainment. I do it to make people laugh. So you do admit to improper hugging? I guess so. Is it true that you have on occasion touched a person's backside? Yes. Is it true that you sometimes shove or trip people for laughs? Yes. Further, you are known t0 stick out your tongue to administrators and not follow their direction. Yes, that is correct.
To the arbitrator: I hereby have proved the DOE's case that Mr. Fanatic has engaged in sexual misconduct, corporal punishment, and insubordination to his administrators. Therefore, I recommend that the Phillie Fanatic be terminated from employment at the DOE. The arbitrator terminates the Phillie Fanatic.
Barney, the Purple Dinosaur's 3020-a hearing: Mr. Dinosaur, the SCI report states that you have a habit of hugging students and propositioning them by singing love songs about you and them in the classroom. How do you respond to these accusations? Mr. Dinosaur: I do hug students because they like the affection and it shows that people care about them. So you admit to improper hugging? I guess so but it is not improper. Mr. Dinosaur how about the love songs you sing to your students, like "I love you and you love me". Why are you sexually soliciting these students? It's just a song that shows I care, there is nothing sexual about it. So you admit to singing love songs to the students? Yes, I do sing songs to them.
To the arbitrator: I hereby request that you terminate Barney, the Purple Dinosaur for sexually hugging and propositioning the students. You have heard that Mr. Dinosaur admits to the charges and should be terminated from DOE employment. The arbitrator terminates Barney, the Purple Dinosaur.
Note: Both the Phillie Fanatic and Barney the Purple Dinosaur were already off the payroll for three months and without health benefits because of the "probable cause" provision of the 2005 contract.
I am so happy that Tweed is protecting our children from the likes of these characters in our schools. Children last continues.